Forgiveness

Today, I rose from my slumber and was met by this sense that something was different within me this day. I couldn’t quite figure out exactly what it was that I was feeling differently about or what had brought on this unexpected transformation? I did, however; enjoy the sensation immensely and I suddenly understood that today was a new day (I know…I know… how uber cliché of me), but it was the truth I felt so rejuvenated and revitalized.

When Zeus and I ambled out our front door for our morning walk, I was met by this familiar warmth on my face and the welcomed embrace of my much loved spring-like fresh air. My spirit continued to be lifted; boy what a day this is going to turn out to be…it truly is a gorgeous day - a little piece of heaven even!

We didn’t get far, when I realized that there was something more going on. (Silly girl) I detected that I was walking a little taller and my soul a little lighter, as if something that I had been hauling around with me for some time had unexpectedly been lifted away, had freed me from its grasped and I must say it felt utterly astonishing. I recognized what it was instantaneously and couldn’t help but to laugh aloud. The time had finally arrived!

Forgiveness had finally entered my heart and acceptance in my soul!

After all that transpired during these last 19 months, I have finally found the ability to forgive or maybe it found me. The smile that overtakes my face is apparently contagious as my faithful companion is now sporting his own version in which he presumably has decided to dangle his tongue from one side! ;)
I have forgiven the douche bag…come on now; I said I forgive him that doesn’t mean that I have to stop calling him a douche bag, does it? j/k It is only until I determine his permanent ‘ex’ nickname to protect his identity – then he will be filed away into the collection with the likes of Major Cummings, Guam, , Psycho, Too Nice; etc. at least until my memoir is published)

I forgive him...
I forgive him for lying, for not having the courage to do the right thing.
I forgive him for the abuse,
the emotional
the financial
the physical

The most beautiful thing of all in all of this is that I have also forgiven myself. Words cannot begin to describe the feelings that arise out of this! The weight of my world has been lifted off of my shoulders and that is so freeing…so empowering. Along with finding the ability to forgive myself, I have also come to terms and have found a way to completely accept my loss where I no longer blame myself and/or anyone else. Yes, it still saddens me when I think about it, but I understand that that is okay. It’s okay and so am I.

There is still much to face and triumph over in retrospect, but I will get there.